Qualifications

What are the top 5 qualities you look for in a significant other?

I would be lying if I were to say that physical attraction wasn't part of my top 2.  I ask this because as many of you might know I am on a number of different dating websites and the first thing I look at are pictures.  If I'm not physically attracted to you then it doesn't go any further than me looking at their profile pictures.  That's right! I don't even bother opening up the message they sent me. Wrong of me?  A lot of you know I'm not all about looks nor am I THAT shallow of a person but the truth is if I don't want to jump on your bones I don't bother.  Question is, why?

Coming home to a sexy man means a lot to me.  It'll make me work that much harder to remain sexy for him.  Physical attraction plays a major role in relationships and how we view potential mates.  Allow me to share some facts with you.

Study show that the more symmetrical a person is the larger the chances are that to our eye they are more attractive.  This is because during the reproduction phase when cells split the idea is that they split evenly creating an offspring that is equal on the left and right side.  When we see an symmetrical person our brain automatically processes that  he/she would be a great human to produce children with.

Another reason is that when looking at a woman's face due to the amount of estrogen in the womb during pregnancy a woman will have a smaller jaw line and bigger eyes making her more attractive to the male species.  On the other hand the more testosterone in the womb forces men to have more protruding jaw line and prominent brow.

So I'm not so shallow after all and it's actually not physical attractiveness that I'm more draw to but rather healthy fertility of a mate!

A quick reminder !

I wrote this the beginning of January and its sometimes wonderful to look back at what you set forth for yourself.  Aahhhh now I remember!

Although it’s not the New Year yet I can already feel changes and new beginnings happening in my life.
I felt it the moment I realized that I need and deserve better.   The moment I was able to sleep through what would normally be one of my sleepless night for me and no I’m not talking about Christmas eve…(although I recently got over that excite as well)
Anyway when you’ve been through so much in life (Dear Life, please do not take this as a cue to throw some more sht my way. I’m happily dealing with the sht I have on my plate right now) you realize that there’s only so much you can handle and that that’s fine and you know what you want to deal with and what you’re willing to put on the back burner and never deal with again.  When I was younger it was so hard for me to walk away from things I wanted in life but now I know I can’t always get what I want but I am more than capable of getting what I deserve (growing pains).
I’m far better off with this mind set because what you want might sometimes be toxic to your health whether you know it or not.  I wish people came with a warning label.
Mine would read: WARNING: smart, intelligent, caring woman.  Gives 100% and expects 100% in return.  A Queen for a King who is hyper-sexual and a little bipolar.  Enter if you dare.
What would yours say?

Dating Someone with Kids

So I’ve recently started dating again (I don’t know why I say again because its never again it’s always just dating I’m just learning how to take things easy and not go from friend to girlfriend in t-7days) and one of the guys I’m dating has recently had a child.  This isn’t new to me but last time I dated a man with a child I was 19 and he was 10 yrs my elder and made me believe that he was leaving her to be with me (moved in and everything).  This man/boy had my heart and soul in the palm of my hands only to find out that he was playing games with the both of us.  It was hard for me and at 20 I said goodbye to this 30 yr old man who had toyed with my heart for a year.
blah blah blah years pass and here I am in the same situation
Now let me break it down for you all, this was just suppose to be a simple “hi bye thank you very much” type of situation.  Homie had way too much to deal with for me to even entertain anything more between us.  Who was we kidding (that southern slang starting to rub off on me) ?
Well here I am dating a man with a 5wk old son who hasn’t been with the mother since pregnancy for understandable reasons, but none that my readers need to concern themselves with.
This past weekend was Christmas and of course I had to take a backseat to his son.  Which would have been fun had his mother not been all up in the mix, but the kid is 5 weeks and she’s afraid to leave the baby alone with his father just yet and I honestly can’t blame her.
Having to be patient and wait to see what happens is bothersome.  Perhaps because I am a control freak and I like knowing whats next. Once things get started on a certain path I like to keep them on that path.  I don’t want to bring any added stress to home boy’s life right now so I’m just letting this ride and doing me in the mean time but goodness is it hard.
I believe that it is much different to date a mother with kids than it is to date a father with kids. How often and how the parents interact play a major role in the situation as well.  I cannot work on anything close to falling in love with this man if he’s busy falling in love with his son.  Neither would I want to get in between that.  I believe that it is very important for him to build a relationship and be around his son as much as he wants/needs.  But being around his BM?  That doesn’t sit well with me… who am I to say what though, right?
Have you ever dated a man/woman who recently had a kid? How did you feel about it?  Pro’s Con’s?

You're so easy to please...

I sat here and started to think about how disconnected I can become to those around me.  Like a switch, my emotions can turn on and off when I want them too (for the most part). After my failure of a relationship with a boy who I thought was (the one), confusion with school, work, life; I can certainly say I've had an intense year  (Dear 2011, please bring forth more knowledge minus the learning my lessons the hard way part).  Any how, I started to think about how easy it is to not care.  Simply not have emotions, these people who claim to be "insensitive" and who "don't give a crap about anything".  How strong they must be... (side eye)

I recently spoke to an ex who continued to tweet about how insensitive he is... I took it upon myself to remind him that he's actually not that insensitive and that he needs to stop.  I believe in the power of repetition and speaking out into existence what you want to become.  Affirmations, if you will, on a more subtle level.  I don't know why I bother reminding people like him of these things. It's such a negative thing to say about yourself and it shouldn't be my responsibility to remind you that you're a good person yet I take it on anyway because I think everyone needs someone like me in their life (even if its to point the finger at and say I'm the bad person). 

Well, the more I thought about it the more I realized that in order for a person to care it takes so much more strength and courage.  It's just that EASY for you to walk away and put no effort into anything.  Easy to live out your days selfish and abandoning emotions.  Where it'll get you I don't know, but I would hate to be the one who finds out it leaves you lonely.  Is there a term for phobia of lonely? (Googling.....) Damn you can always count on Google to come through with that answers "Eremophobia".

I'm not necessarily in fear of being alone, I'm afraid of being in a relationship with the wrong person.  Ever wake up everyday next to the person you are deeply in love with; throughout your blood, bones, body, every last fluid inside of you, you know would do absolutely anything to see them become a better person and then you wake up one morning and that's gone.  Thinking "who is this man next to me?", it was extremely sad and till this day I'm not sure I was more heart broken by the fact that I was sleeping next to a stranger or that I didn't have a chance to witness the transformation.  Life is beautiful because of times like this.

My point is that emotionless, heartless, insensitivity are all easy... And I have just blogged my way out of thinking that's the way to go...

What the fudge is going on?

(this picture is basically the motion I'm doing right now, not like right now but RIGHT NOW.... )
Another weekend passed, another lesson learned.  Let us say goodbye to that and move on, but just before we do so let me vent a little, may I? I actually want to get your opinion about my current situation. 

I met this young man (twenty something ish thirty) whom I've thuroughly enjoyed conversations with on the phone and his overall demeanor. Well, I rarely initiate anything especially calls or texts so you can imagine initiating a date would be totally out of the question.  After a week of small talk he calls me to set up a date, having been that I've lived in Florida for almost 2 months now with barely any human interaction you can imagine how I reluctantly agreeded (insert sarcastic voice here).

Friday comes and he calls and texts and seems to be interested in taking me out.  Once again I hate pushy guys so I'm not pushy myself ; it may even be taken as passive sometimes but like simply going with the flow.  I throw on my jeans and T-shirt because it was raining and seemed to be one of those nights, after all the run around about where to go blah blah (insert lame stuff here) I decide not to even bother going out.  Excuse me for liking a gentleman who has an evening planned out even if it means appetizers at a near by restaurant for an hour or so... give me something to work with please! So much for a night out with a person I was actually enjoying and interested in spending some "quality time" with.  He apologized and even tried to come up with something last minute to do.  He go the stiff arm and -_- face... Well it didn't stop there....

I met a female during orientation for one of my jobs and we clicked.  She expressed to me that she wanted to hit up this night club and as opposed as I am to meeting new people at night clubs it gets me out of the house so I agreed.  Long story short she also stood me up/ let me down.

Am I not being aggressive enough?  Whats the deal with all these flakey a$$ people?  I mean they seem very cool and genuine but they all have let me down (except for a few, few as in 2).

So all in all, I'm still trying to find my place and although I've been here for a few months months I feel anxious and disappointed.  Funny thing is I was in Miami one weekend and some promoter stopped me and my girlfriend and invited us to a club then noticed the accent and asked where we were from. When we said Boston a huge smile came across his face, he explained that most of his good friends are from Boston and they we are really down to earth honest people.  Damn right!

What's the dilly-O with folks out here?  Everyone is boo'ed up (yes with this fine ass weather) and even if you wanted to have a jump off people are so flakey that you can't predict who's down to jump and who ain't.  SMDH...I'm tired of it and want to head back home asap...

The Battle

Writing is the best form of expression for me.  Words flow from my brain, throughout my body, back up to my finger tips, and on to this keyboard.  Its as naked as some of y'all will get to see me. 

Well, you know I usually blog about something that is currently happening in my life and today it's going to be about a tweet I read last night and ironically enough had a conversation that followed and fit.  The tweet read: " the mental fight between good n evil of a man".

The older I get the easier it's become to embrace who I am and what I transforming into.  Things have dramatically changed from my grade school years when I was a shy but outgoing popular girl, to going after my dreams and being outcasted for it, until now.  People have came and left (You can't recycle this!) and each have entered my life for a specific reason.  I know people say that all the time, but I truly believe even those who you think barely impact your life actually do.  Life would be drastically different if I didn't interact with some of you.  I digress (as usual) the point of the above is that I am now begining to embrace every part of who I am.  I regret to inform you that although I stand completely naked in front of your computer screen when you read these blogs I cannot reveal all of who I am on here.

I will say this I have battled with good and evil inside of me for many years and I believe most of us have.  I believe that some have choosen to embrace one side at an early age and might not remember the battle, others have been scared into a side or have found that one side is easier than the other.  For me it has been a battle for as long as I can remember.  The feeling of wanting to do good and be the best person I can possibly be has always been there, but the evil has exposed itself and I've battled with it.  I'm not sure why I bother putting up a fight because I might be better off embracing it.  I know that when one focuses their "powers" can be used imensly and transformed into anything they want.

(When I say evil in no referrence is that to "satan", but rather a part of me who is deeply in love with pain.  Perhaps because I am a person of pleasure it's only right that my love of pain be as deep)

Once again I have learned to embrace these two sides and have choosen to explore them rather than push them away.  All of who I am is slowly coming into light for me.  Who I am, what I stand for, and what I want.  Powers I am capable of possessing and what I can do with it begin to surface the more I welcome these things.  I woke up feeling amazing this morning.  I got rid of some baggage last night, had a wonderful conversation with a new person, thanked God for putting me where I'm at right now, and committed to myself that I will take head on everything I unfold about who I am.

Perhaps I'm just learning to accept the imperfections and really use what gifts I am blessed with.  I hope all of you are able to do the same.

What have been your battles? Accomplishments?  What are you learning about yourself?

You can't recycle this...

It's trash day and you've been looking at that old dresser that you want to keep so badly because hello you've had it since you were a little girl but you know just by looking at it that it must go!  It squeaks when you open it and you have to jiggle the handle to get the third dresser to open all the way.  Guess I should throw it away...
(trash day comes and goes...)
Looks like I'll be waiting till next week to get rid of it *sigh*

This is how I feel about some of my past relationships with people.  I know they say that people are seasons and they come and go for a reason, but there are some relationships that I hold on to that I KNOW should be gone. We all  do it.  Whether its with and ex, friend, or even family member (yes I have no problem saying that you *even family* are detrimental to my health and you have to go) some relationships need to get neatly packed and thrown away.  I have this one relationship that I can't seem to shake and the weird thing is I can easily let go of people.  Its really nothing to me, there are thousands of people on  this earth to meet and see, but I am so up and down with this person the inconsistency is ridiculous and I know it's time.

Fact is I definitely still lust after him had we remained friends with benefits things would have suited us just fine.  They always say the best remedy to get over someone is to get under someone else. LIES... I don't believe that's true and I'm also not as young as I use to be, I can't go sleeping around with whoever (not that I did that when I was younger) it's just more "acceptable" to be promiscuous when you're younger... I digress

I am a woman now, and hard decisions when the are based on hard facts and hard as it may be, need to be made (yes play on words HARD).  LUST IS JUST AND EMOTION BUT HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF BEING.  Get it together Amanda smdh...

When do you throw something away and when do you keep it?  If people are seasons then keeping them around makes no point at all, right?