You're so easy to please...

I sat here and started to think about how disconnected I can become to those around me.  Like a switch, my emotions can turn on and off when I want them too (for the most part). After my failure of a relationship with a boy who I thought was (the one), confusion with school, work, life; I can certainly say I've had an intense year  (Dear 2011, please bring forth more knowledge minus the learning my lessons the hard way part).  Any how, I started to think about how easy it is to not care.  Simply not have emotions, these people who claim to be "insensitive" and who "don't give a crap about anything".  How strong they must be... (side eye)

I recently spoke to an ex who continued to tweet about how insensitive he is... I took it upon myself to remind him that he's actually not that insensitive and that he needs to stop.  I believe in the power of repetition and speaking out into existence what you want to become.  Affirmations, if you will, on a more subtle level.  I don't know why I bother reminding people like him of these things. It's such a negative thing to say about yourself and it shouldn't be my responsibility to remind you that you're a good person yet I take it on anyway because I think everyone needs someone like me in their life (even if its to point the finger at and say I'm the bad person). 

Well, the more I thought about it the more I realized that in order for a person to care it takes so much more strength and courage.  It's just that EASY for you to walk away and put no effort into anything.  Easy to live out your days selfish and abandoning emotions.  Where it'll get you I don't know, but I would hate to be the one who finds out it leaves you lonely.  Is there a term for phobia of lonely? (Googling.....) Damn you can always count on Google to come through with that answers "Eremophobia".

I'm not necessarily in fear of being alone, I'm afraid of being in a relationship with the wrong person.  Ever wake up everyday next to the person you are deeply in love with; throughout your blood, bones, body, every last fluid inside of you, you know would do absolutely anything to see them become a better person and then you wake up one morning and that's gone.  Thinking "who is this man next to me?", it was extremely sad and till this day I'm not sure I was more heart broken by the fact that I was sleeping next to a stranger or that I didn't have a chance to witness the transformation.  Life is beautiful because of times like this.

My point is that emotionless, heartless, insensitivity are all easy... And I have just blogged my way out of thinking that's the way to go...